In case someone still reads books: Introduction in English of my diary book 'Untitled 1'

Untitled 1 (introduction)

'I don’t think I have a full grasp of the situation yet. But I am starting to realise the consequences of my foolish actions. From what I have not seen I can make a representation in my head and from these random pieces I had seen and heard I compose a truth of my own. I have learned that nothing is certain, not the way it was before. I had stopped believing. In god I never really did. But in the institutions and politicians and in television and newspapers, in love and in everything else that had shaped me and kept me grounded all those years. As long as there is doubt, I figured, there is always a way out of the sorry mess I got into more recently. The chaos and the debts, the drinking and casual sex and the failed relationships and the arguments and struggles with friends and relatives and authorities I had never been troubled with before. I think it could be sensible to delve into that past and try and describe how and under what circumstances all these impossible coincidences started to occur that had shaken everything I had ever believed in. A global financial crisis had changed the solid base of my existence and that was something I had to come to terms with whilst a perseverance in attempts to maintain life as comfortable as it had been was ever present around me as well.

I continued to cut and paste troubled memories from the past. To find the connections and links between the past and the present and imagine what the future could look like. My own reality is only a limited vision on a multitude of new experiences. I had defined my own rules and shaped my own beliefs. I became more critical. I can only lead one single life. It may be very different than yours. Somehow

A decade-long period of happiness and stability had ended in a mess. And so much was going on. In my direct surroundings and on a grander stage. In this world I cared about. The news and media, I had always followed it with dedication. I adopted the internet from early on and the rise of social media and connecting with others became a second nature that had helped me be successful in work and relations and all those things I had taken for granted. My life had more or less merged with it. With IT. Until, I cannot remember exactly when it was, these media started to dictate my life. Or was it the other way round? It all became a bit of a blur. I had realised too late I had become a miserable loser. Out of work and out of money. A lifeless and willess doll, to use a metaphor, that had realised too late that all this time he had really been under influences that had misled him all those years. In a body I didn’t recognise. With thoughts that were no longer mine alone.'